Long, long ago a man named Christopher Columbus decided he would like to have a holiday named after him. So off he went to Queen Isabella and asked her for three ships to sail across the ocean. He wanted to prove that the world was not flat and no body would fall off the edge. He also wanted to get some black pepper from the East Indies, as Spain's pepper stash was running low and the meat tasted horrible without it.

The queen offered to give him a ship but Chris argued that he needed a small fleet of ships for the voyage.

"Yo, Isabella! That's a big ocean out there," he whined, "Girl, this ain't gonna be no three hour tour ya know. I need two more ships to use as back-up." Columbus had seen what happened to the U.S.S. Minnow and he flat-out refused to spend several TV seasons stranded on an island the way Gilligan and the Skipper had done.

So Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain gave Columbus three ships: the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. They considered giving him the Titanic as well, but decided to save that ship for the 1912 tragedy and the movie of the same name.

Since the ships had no on-board GPS for navigation, Columbus had to rely on a compass to give him direction during the day. He relied on the stars for direction at night, unless of course it was cloudy in which case he would act like most men and say, "I know the way. I don't need no stinking map." 

After months of sailing in a circle the ship's crew kept asking "are we there yet" and begged to go home.  But by this time they were hopelessly lost yet Columbus adamantly refused to stop and ask for directions.

Suddenly one of the ship's crewmen spotted land. While visions of pizza and pasta, cable TV, a clean motel bed and a hot shower filled their heads they headed inland. The year was 1492; the date was October 12th.

Columbus told the men they had landed in India. He called the natives "Indians" and promised them that someday they would own many gambling casinos.

But this wasn't India. The ship had landed in a place called San Salvador in the Bahamas. Although the New World or "The Americas" had always been there, this was the first time anyone from Europe had ever found it. This opened up a whole new channel for the rock 'n' roll music industry and hair styles.

The first recorded celebration honoring the discovery of America by Europeans took place on October 12, 1792 in New York City. Out of respect for Columbus, there were only 27 muggings and 10 drive-by shootings occurring on that day.

The Italian community of San Fransisco held their first Columbus Day celebration in 1869. They celebrated by throwing Rice-a-Roni ® from a cable car.

In 1892, President Benjamin Harrison urged citizens to participate in the the 400th anniversary celebration of Columbus' first voyage. It was during this event that the Pledge of Allegiance, written by Francis Bellamy, was recited publicly for the first time.  Oddly enough there wasn't a single objection to the phrase "one nation under God" during this first recitation by the public.

In 1934 President Roosevelt proclaimed October 12th as Columbus Day. But as is their normal procedure the government officials changed the date from Oct. 12th to something more suitable for their schedule.

Now every year America takes the second Monday in October to celebrate the accidental discovery of America and the birth of the "Bahamas Cruise Vacation".

Happy Columbus Day...no matter which day you celebrate.