Well, it's almost that time of year again. The time when all those little hearts and cupids start flying around and the air is thick with the scent of roses, or chocolate, or both. Time for us to blunder through that nauseating romance stuff. (No, I'm not the romantic type, in case you needed to ask.)
It's really hard to be romantic when Hubby gives me a smooch in front of our grandchildren and they start yelling, "ewwwwh! Pappy kissed Mammy, owww...my eyes! my eyes...!" and then they fall onto the floor in a mock faint. These things tend to remind us that the honeymoon is over...way over. (at least while they're around.)
And also when most of us reach a certain age we no longer care for candlelight dinners, as we can't see very well, even with florescent lights. Who wants to eat the napkin by mistake. And dressing up for dinner is a thing of the past, as I usually wear part of whatever I eat. We don't drink wine. We're Baptists, and besides alcohol would kill us if we mixed it with our medication. And flowers tend to remind us that we need to buy more life insurance.
We still buy cards and presents for one another though; we just don't let the grandchildren know.
The other night I dreamed that Hubby bought me a beautiful diamond necklace. When I woke up I told him about the dream. "I wonder what it meant," I asked him.
He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye that always shows when he's up to something. "Oh, I think you'll find out this evening," he answered.
And I did. He came in from work and handed me a small package. I opened it. It was a book titled "How To Interpret Dreams".
Speaking of Valentine's Day and presents, have any of you been looking for something really spectacular to give your sweetheart or spouse (or both!!) for the special occasion? Here are a few ideas that I think are...really stupid ideas...but I'll tell you about them anyway:
For a small sum of money...$130.00, you can buy a gift that everyone needs and has probably always dreamed about. It's called "A Message In A Bottle" and it's a...well it's a message in a bottle. The advertisement didn't say whether or not you're supposed to throw it into a creek or river and allow it to float to your sweetheart, or if you're supposed to hide it in the sand someplace, or simply hand it to them. For $130.00, I think it should come with its own little boat.
Here's a great gift idea for a friend who has no sweetheart on Valentines Day: "Grow A Girlfriend". She grows 6 times her original size when you drop her in water. Of course that would still make her about the same size as a Barbie Doll.
Or how about a pair of ceramic rats with little hearts painted on them? Of course this wouldn't go over too well if your Sweetie has cats.
Then there's "The Love Gun", a small red and pink plastic cupid cannon. Just load one of the four tiny plastic cupids into the compartment and shoot it at the girl or guy of your dreams. The Love Gun’s powers have not been fully tested. Love is not guaranteed. You might get hit over the head with a rubber chicken, so be careful of where you shoot.
Following are a few totally boring and unnecessary statistics about the holiday, which I chose to share with you as an added bonus.
Approximately 110 million roses are sold and delivered within a three-day time period during Valentines Day. Their street value equals the cost of a large jetliner.
Teachers receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. I don't know why sweethearts receive the fewest cards. This wouldn't happen if they all became teachers.
During the late 1800s, an era when racy valentine's cards were very popular, Chicago's post office rejected more than 25,000 cards on the grounds that they were so indecent they were not fit to be carried through the U.S. mail. Of course these days these same cards are being advertised on TV during Saturday morning cartoons.
And finally, Happy Birthday to Jimmy Hoffa who was born on Valentines Day, February 14, 1913. I wonder how old he would be if someone managed to find him? Wonder if he'd like a ceramic rat with red hearts painted on it? Maybe we could send him a message in a bottle...
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