All married couples argue. Anyone who tells me that they never have a disagreement with their spouse is either lying or not telling the truth.
Hubby and I argue, although we do it in a bizarre sort of way. Sometimes I don't even know we've had an argument until he apologizes for speaking harshly to me. The fact is that Hubby is so sweet and funny, everything he says sounds about right. He is such a klutz he could make a cadaver laugh out loud.
To understand our relationship, you would either have to know hubby personally or allow me to explain. If you took one Bob Vila, half a Tim The Tool Man Taylor and a dash of Ray Barone and put them in a blender and blend on slow speed for one minute you could then pour my hubby out into a bowl. (actually it would be a bloody mess and kind of Jeffrey Dahmer-isque, but this is just an example).
Hubby is a talented carpenter who can build anything his clients request, however he is so accident prone and clumsy he can fall off his own shoes. In fact he did that once, landing flat on his back in the grass. My mama (who totally adored the ground he fell on) jumped down my throat and told me to buy him some good supportive shoes before the "old things he was wearing caused him to get hurt".
And no one else but hubby could manage to wreck both of his pickup trucks at the same time. Once, he was under the hood of one truck working on the engine, when it began to roll backward and slammed into his other truck, smashing in the door and the front fender. I laughed so hard I could barely help him push the two wrecked trucks apart. He's always losing his tools and personal items, and he could tear up an anvil without even trying. But this is all part of his charm. He is always smiling, sweet to a fault and completely lovable. Anyone who could snap at him is either an alligator or someone suffering from an emotional disorder.
That's why I knew for certain that something was not quite right when I began growling at him like a hateful old troll the other day. Earlier in the week I had awakened feeling as though I'd snorted the entire Nolichucky River up my nose. My voice echoed in my ears like I was talking from inside an oil drum and my eyes were watery and my nose runny. After a couple of days and several boxes of tissues, I decided to go see a doctor. The doctor checked my breathing, took one look at the yellow pollen coating the front of my car and told me I was suffering from hay fever. I couldn't understand how I could get hay fever since I didn't live anywhere near a farm, but he explained to me that hay fever is caused by dust and pollen and by watching too many old episodes of Green Acres.
He prescribed a nasal spray for me to try...the one with the honey bee that runs around talking like Eva Gabore...and it was amazing how quickly it cleared up my sinuses. It even improved my sense of smell. I could smell things I hadn't smelled in years. (note to myself, clean out the car!).
Then something completely foreign to me began to happen. I became agitated. I began snapping at everyone in sight. I was like a beaver with a tooth ache. I snapped at poor hubby and he just looked at me like "what have you done with my wife?" When I screamed at my dog, that was the last straw. I knew there was something going on. I sat down and thought about why I was feeling so ill tempered and cranky. It came to me in a blinding flash...well not exactly a blinding flash, it was more like a little night light bulb...that I had felt this way since I began using the nasal spray. I marched into the bathroom, then I went out to the kitchen and got the nasal spray and threw it in the trash. Within two days I was back to my old smiling self again and my snapping days were over.
I would rather suffer from nasal allergies, runny nose, painful ears, sore throat, scoliosis, athletes foot fungus and the heartbreak of psoriasis than to be so grouchy I can't even stand to talk to myself. I am sure that hubby would rather hear my raspy voice and sniffing than to have me bark at him like a seal for no apparent reason other than him throwing away my new shoes and breaking the mirror on my car.
I will continue to talk softly and carry a big tissue until the allergy season has passed.
