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Beyond the Dawn
Archive for 200608 ( return to current blog )
Thursday August 31, 2006
Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Insulting Parrot
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.
On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
The lady was so angy that she went into the store and told the store manager that she would sue the store if it didn't stop insulting her.
The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
The next day, the lady deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot.
"Hey, lady!" the parrot said.
"Yes?" said the lady...
"You know!" said the parrot.
| | Posted by LadyLee at 4:07 PM - | |
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Tuesday August 29, 2006
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
- Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
- Staple pages in the middle of the page.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
- TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- type only in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
| | Posted by LadyLee at 6:19 PM - | |
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Friday August 25, 2006
Ten Guidelines From God
Effective immediately,
please be aware that there are changes YOU need
to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be
completed in order that I may fulfill My promises
to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in
this life. I apologize for any inconvenience,
but after all that I am doing, this seems very
little to ask of you. Please,follow
these 10 guidelines
1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit
and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here
to take all your burdens and carry them for you?
Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little
thing that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it
on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY
to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care
of the problem. I can't help you until you turn
it over to Me. And although My to-do-list
is long, I am after all... God. I can take care
of anything you put into My hands. In fact,
if the truth were ever really known, I take
care of a lot of things for you that you never
even realize.
3. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me,
quit trying to take them back. Trust in
Me. Have the faith that I will take care of
all your needs, your problems and your trials.
Problems with the kids? Put them on My list.
Problem with finances? Put it on My list.
Problems with your emotional roller coaster?
For My sake, put it on My list. I want to
help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say,
"Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think
I can handle it from here." Why do you think
you are feeling stronger now? It's simple.
You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking
care of them. I also renew your strength
and cover you in my peace. Don't you
know that if I give you these problems back,
you will be right back where you started?
Leave them with Me and forget about
them. Just let Me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things.
Forget what was making you crazy.
Forget the worry and the fretting because
you know I'm in control. But there's one
thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't
forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU!
I want to hear your voice. I want you to
include Me in on the things going on in your life.
I want to hear you talk about your friends
and family. Prayer is simply you having
a conversation with Me. I want to be your
dearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you
can't see from where you are. Have faith in
Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me;
you wouldn't want the view from My eyes.
I will continue to care for you, watch over you,
and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me.
Although I have a much bigger task than you,
it seems as if you have so much trouble just
doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?
7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were
only two years old. When did you forget?
That rule still applies. Share with those who are
less fortunate than you. Share your joy with
those who need encouragement. Share your
laughter with those who haven't heard any in
such a long time. Share your tears with those
who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith
with those who have none.
8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime
you could have so many diverse experiences.
You grow from a child to an adult, have children,
change jobs many times, learn many trades,
travel to so many places, meet thousands
of people, and experience so much. How can
you be so impatient then when it takes Me
a little longer than you expect to handle
something on My to-do-list? Trust in My
timing, for My timing is perfect. Just
because I created the entire universe in
only six days, everyone thinks I should
always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just
as much as I love you. They may not dress
like you, or talk like you, or live the same way
you do, but I still love you all. Please try
to get along, for My sake. I created each
of you different in some way. It would be
too boring if you were all identical.
Please, know I love each of your differences.
10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not
love yourself? You were created by me for
one reason only -- to be loved, and to love
in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me.
Love your neighbors. But also love yourself.
It makes My heart ache when I see you
so angry with yourself when things go
wrong. You are very precious to me.
Don't ever forget......
Note: I rec'd this from a friend and I have
no idea who wrote it, but I was so touched
by it, that I had to share it with you.
I hope that you will be blessed by
it and will share it with others.
| | Posted by LadyLee at 2:16 AM - | |
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Thursday August 24, 2006
To all you Peoples who use Fire Fox browser, I must apologize for the mess I made on this blog yesterday. I re-coded the songs to "Not" play automatically, but I didn't check it to see if it worked the same when using the Firefox browser. (I use Crazy Browser all the time) I checked this morning and Voile! It didn't!
I just got an awful mix of all the songs playing at once...now how not groovy was that?!! I felt like I was on a bad acid trip. (Not that I ever dropped acid, mind you...I swear on my favorite tie-dyed tee shirt I never tried acid)
Oh well, at any rate, I am moving the songs into the post comments section below the original post. This way we can still click on them and listen if we want to.
I hope I haven't run off half of Blogstream with the weird sounding babble coming from their speakers. | | Posted by LadyLee at 4:16 PM - | |
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Wednesday August 23, 2006
Sprites - I Started A Blog Nobody Read
powered by ODEO
The Following was posted for River Rat who also likes Simon and Garfunkle.
Which is more beautiful, the music or the words...
I grew up with these songs and I have yet to answer that question. I love both, the music and the words. The sixties was a great era, though some might say otherwise. If you miss the far-out sounds of the groovy sixties, click a play button and lets go back...
The songs have been moved to the add comment section. If you're using firefox browser and the songs start to play all at the same time, you can click each one off except the one you want to hear. Sorry about that!
| | Posted by LadyLee at 3:36 PM - | |
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